I often keep to myself. I grew up being painfully shy, so for me, letting people in isn't necessarily an easy thing to do. I've come to learn that, though you may think you know people, they can surprise you, and not always in a good way.
It's when I decide to put my full trust in someone, and they turn around and let me down, that my faith in others waivers. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is. Sometimes I just can't grasp why people make the decisions they do. Why others chose to so painfully hurt those that are close to them.
I'm not going to say everything is fine because I'm so often disappointed. I try to hide that bothersome pain that never seems to subside, but you can only put on a facade for so long. I'm so tired of letting things go. I'm over being the nice one who always strives to be such a great friend. I'm just plain exhausted.
From now on, I'm going to stick up for myself. Just because I love you as a person, and have been so close with you for so long, doesn't mean my life revolves around making you feel good about yourself. It's time I focus on my own happiness. It's time I realize exactly who is worth my time. It's time I asked myself, DO you really care?
To be honest, I hope you do. I've cared for too long to let this all go.
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