Broken.

I felt alone.

More alone than I have ever felt in my entire life.

I had loved.

Loved someone who, for pure selfish reasons, "loved" me.

Someone who saw a naive girl and decided she was an easy target.

Someone who I had thought I could trust.

But you never know someone's true intentions until it's too late,

and you're hurt.

More hurt than ever before.

More scared,

and confused,

and upset than you have ever been.

 

I didn't feel whole anymore,

because I wasn't.

A part of me was gone

and I did everything I could to try and fill the void.

But after you feel like this,

it's a hard feeling to get rid of.

You sit home alone at night

contemplating the reasons why it might have happened.

and wondering why you're even here,

and if you can continue on,

and if you'll ever be ok again.

 

So there I was,

alone,

and scared,

and broken.

 

And two years later,

I'm still alone.

I'm still scared.

I'm still broken.

I'm still searching for something to fill the void.

Still wondering if I'll be ok.

Still hoping there is something better to come.

Burning.

This burning in my chest is becoming far too much.

With each silent breath, I'm slowing slipping away.

I can't hold on to this lost hope for much longer.

My will is fading.

I can only hold on for so long before it all crumbles down.

Before I finally realize that I have to give up.

Face the facts.

Come to the realization that maybe it wasn't meant for me.

Maybe I'm bound for something different.

But I can't give up.

I don't want to give up.

My burning heart is burning for this, and this alone.

This is what I want.

This is what I need.

This is what I'm hoping for.

Please.  

    

 

 

  

Enough.

I've realized I try too hard so people will like me.

I base my happiness upon the feelings of others.

I would bend over backwards just for a simple "hello" or "good to see you"

I never feel like I'm enough.

Just when I start believing I deserve more, it seems my hopes are torn by someone close to me.

That, in turn, makes me more insecure.

More vunerable.

My self worth decreases

and I feel alone.

All because of one, simple-minded, thoughtless person.

And I'm back to square one.

Trying to be better,

but feeling like I can never succeed.

 

I need to re-train my brain.

I need to know that I can be great.

I have the power to make me happy.

Who cares about the people that are rude

or cruel

or heartless?

I shouldn't.

I am me.

And if it isn't enough for anyone else,

that shouldn't matter.

All that matters is that,

no matter how many times I'm told differently,

it doesn't change the fact that I most certainly am...

enough.