You only live ONCE.

Time is running out..and I'm too afraid to do anything about it. Each second that ticks by is a moment of hope lost. Yet.. I sit here... too scared, too nervous, too worried to do anything about it.

The moral to this story? Get out there and get what you want. GO for it. You only live once, right? 

Was it even worth it?

Today has been a little back and forth.. emotionally speaking. It's been a fairly good day. I've had some good laughs, worked hard, spent some time with some good people. But.. inside, my heart is crying. When I sit in silence, alone, my mind wanders back to happier times when the friendships I had were stronger, the people I felt I could count on were more numerous, and the hope in my heart was a little bit higher. 

It's like this...

I know it's my fault. I know I made this happen, but I thought I was making the best decision. Like I've said before, I'm tired of putting everyone before myself, and getting hurt because of it in the end. This last time.. I think things just went a little too far for me. Even though it hurts so unbearably much right now, I have a feeling it would hurt a little bit more if I would have let things continue on the way they were going. I know this hurt will subside.. at least I'm hoping it will. It's just tough when you put your everything into someone, and in the end, you have to ask yourself if it was even worth it...

That's what friends are for.

You're sitting on a wooden chair in the corner of a dark room. You are alone. You can see shadows of many people moving around you, but their faces are hidden. You try to talk to them. They cannot hear you. It's as if there is a veil and you are trapped inside the unknown. 

Frantically searching for some sign of real, human life, you begin to run. The shadows don't pay any attention. No matter how fast you move, or how hard you try, they continue on, moving around you like you're not even there.

Suddenly, you notice a small glimmer of color in the blackness of the shadows. You are drawn towards it. Taking a closer look, you realize it is one of the shadows, but this shadow is not completely hidden. You can faintly see the outline of their facial features. You begin to talk to them. They hear you.

Slowly, their shadow-like appearance fades and they are normal, just like you. A big grin stretches across their face. 

You realize that you were not the one that was trapped, but it's the others that are. This person, who is now in full color like you, is now free. The rest of the shadows, they still need someone to help them. They still need, a friend.

Next time you are feeling down on yourself, thinking that nobody cares or knows what you're going through, just think of the shadows. Remember that everyone has their own personal struggles, and just a little glimmer of color and hope can help to make anyone's day better. That's what friends are for.

 

For Whatever The Reason.

For whatever the reason. Yes, yes, I know this is the URL for my blog. At first, when I decided to call it that, I didn't necessarily have a reason in mind. It was just one of those things that 'came' to me. Haha. The more I think about it, the more I realize how significant it is.

For whatever the reason, people.....

-Make a wrong choice

-Fall in love

-Hurt someone

-Laugh at something

-Start something new

-Take an adventure

-Push someone aside

-Lose a best friend

-Change their life goal

-Say hurtful words

-Let someone know they care

I could literally go on forever. For some reason, whatever it may be, people do these things. They make these choices. They say those words. Only THEY truly know why.

Disappointed...

I often keep to myself. I grew up being painfully shy, so for me, letting people in isn't necessarily an easy thing to do. I've come to learn that, though you may think you know people, they can surprise you, and not always in a good way.  

It's when I decide to put my full trust in someone, and they turn around and let me down, that my faith in others waivers. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is. Sometimes I just can't grasp why people make the decisions they do. Why others chose to so painfully hurt those that are close to them.

I'm not going to say everything is fine because I'm so often disappointed. I try to hide that bothersome pain that never seems to subside, but you can only put on a facade for so long. I'm so tired of letting things go. I'm over being the nice one who always strives to be such a great friend. I'm just plain exhausted. 

From now on, I'm going to stick up for myself.  Just because I love you as a person, and have been so close with you for so long, doesn't mean my life revolves around making you feel good about yourself. It's time I focus on my own happiness. It's time I realize exactly who is worth my time. It's time I asked myself, DO you really care? 

To be honest, I hope you do. I've cared for too long to let this all go.

Dreams. Reality?

Imagine a pitch black background. Everything around you is black.  It's like the ultimate black hole. 

There is a row of blocks. (6, maybe 7.)  One by one the blocks start falling downward into the blackness. At first starting off slow, and then progressively getting faster. You try to retrieve the blocks to re-attach them, but you are unable to do so quick enough.  As soon as the last block falls, you are shaken awake.  Inside, you feel like you're somehow not as alive as you were before. Like this was death and you came very close to it before you were able to wake up.

This was my childhood nightmare. I always knew it was a dream, but to me, it felt so real.

Who am I?

I'm shy. I stumble over my words. I'm stumble over myself. I have a temper. I take things for granted. I spend money on dumb things. I love to read, but don't have enough patience to read a book. I care too much what other people think. I hate being alone. I don't like big crowds. I love to sing, but sometimes probably shouldn't do so out loud. I stay up too late. I'm addicted to the internet. I rarely get a good nights sleep. I watch too many movies. I laugh really loud. I scream when I sneeze. I love having a good song stuck in my head. I know I'm smart, but when I try to prove it I end up sounding really dumb. I don't apply myself enough. I give up too easily on certain things. I have a fear of heights. I don't like Brussels sprouts. I expect more out of people than should be expected. I love rainy days. I'm insecure. I may say I'm not homesick, but I am. I try to be a good friend. When I say I care, I mean it. I'm sarcastic. I'm trustworthy. I'm honest. I'm me.

You're Enough

Written for no particular reason other than to write a song. 

It has yet to be named. =)

It feels like I can't breathe. I'm stuck inside my own alternate reality.

I'd rather live this life in a dream. It's been far too long and I see you every time I fall asleep. 

The wind sails across an untouched sea. The seasons are changing ever so slowly.

I don't know how much longer I can be. Before I crumble under wonder of this separations mystery.

I am all that I can ever be. And i'm opening my heart for you to take me.

So, please don't leave me in the dark. For years and years it's been raining so hard.

And i'm not asking for much. I just wanna hear those words, you're enough.

When darkness falls I feel at ease. Those calming nights they have saved me.

But every moment I feel painfully lonely..

I am all that I can ever be. And i'm opening my heart for you to take me.

So, please don't leave me in the dark. For years and years it's been raining so hard.

And i'm not asking for much. I just wanna hear those words, you're enough.

Please don't leave me in the dark. For years and years it's been raining so hard.

And i'm not asking for much. I just wanna hear those words, you're enough.

Animate Life

In High School I never felt the desire to take an art class. Why? I have absolutely no idea. I knew I loved to draw...but I guess drawing on my own felt like it was good enough and I didn't need any instruction. 

Now, I WANT to take an art class. I WANT to learn everything there is to know.  I feel like art is like music.  It's an amazing way to express yourself.  

I do these cartoon drawings that are called Animate Life By Megan.  It started a really, really, really long time ago.  I would draw comics in high school about my friends.  The people I drew started out all looking the same.. and they were all bald. (haha)  These drawings have evolved to look more and more like the people I was drawing them after. 
 

One day, I bought a binder to keep all of my drawings in.  I felt this binder needed a cover page, so I went ahead and started drawing one.  After I had drawn the people, it felt like there was something missing.  It needed a name! The words literally were written before I even had time to think about if I even liked the name.  Animate Life.  It seemed to work! These drawings are me. They are my friends. They are my family.  I realized that I draw reality in the form of a cartoon. I ANIMATE real life.

If nothing else goes the way I want it to in life, I just hope and pray something can come of these drawings.  Drawing is a form of expression, and I feel like I put my heart and soul into each new character I create. =)

Write Something

A while ago, I found myself on StumbleUpon browsing through the many random websites it has to offer, when I came upon one that caught my eye.  It was called "Write Something."  A website that urges you to WRITE, not THINK.  I soon fell in love with this.  What better way to get out exactly what you are thinking than to write absolutely whatever is on your mind? No consequences. It's anonymous.I found myself posting page after page of random thoughts that had been trapped inside my mind.Strangely, it made me feel a lot better. =)

www.writesomething.net

Go. Write. Don't think, just do.

For the LOVE of music...

One day I want to fall in love with someone like I've fallen in love with music.

My first and only true love (at the moment) is music.  It's the kind of love that I can't verbally describe.  Something that can't be put into words.

It's like this...

Picture the most perfect day.  You're standing outside breathing in the fresh, warm summer air. The sun is beaming down brilliant rays of warmth. A light breeze calmly brushes against your skin. You feel excited for no particular reason. You feel alive, more alive than you've ever felt in your entire life.

Imagine that times 100.

Did that just blow your mind? Impossible to even imagine how good of a feeling that is, right?

THAT'S how I feel about music.  It helps me get through every challenge, heartache, and day, good or bad.

If I can feel this strongly about words and sounds, I can only imagine how amazing it would be to feel this way about another human being.

I want to be able to listen to this song and feel this way when I finally fall in love. =)