Lost...

I honestly don't know who I am anymore.

Or what I'm even doing here.

I'm constantly hoping that, if I keep my chin up, everything will turn out ok.

That all the things I'm working so hard for will just roll along.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll be happy again.

But the clock keeps ticking away.

Minute by minute.

Hour by hour.

My life passes me by.

And all I'm doing is sitting here hoping and praying that I can find happiness and joy in life again someday.

But it doesn't seem to come.

So I continue to pretend that I'm ok.

I pretend that I'm happy

and that life is good

and that I don't cry myself to sleep every night because I'm disappointing myself more than I could ever dream of.

I just keep pretending.

Day after day.

Year after year.

But, when will my life be mine?

When will I be able to look in the mirror and tell myself that I'm truly happy?

I guess in the mess of it all,

I just forgot how to be myself. 

And now, I'm so far lost... I don't know if I can ever get me back.