I've tried. I'm done.

I hate this.

I hate dealing with constant disappointment.

Every aspect of my pathetic life is me trying to be better

and getting shut down

or failing.

Every.

Single.

Time.

I can only try so hard

and so much

before I can't try any more.

I'm almost ready to give up.

I'm sorry I don't know enough
and I'm not smart enough.

But one thing I know is
I sure as hell try hard enough.
 

So when is trying going to get me anywhere?
Because so far, all I have to show for what I've done
is a great big pile of nothing.    

I'm scared.

I thought I was fine,

But it’s funny how a simple dream can change the way you feel.

I’m scared

And alone

And feeling vulnerable.

I miss that feeling of being safe

And loved

And together.

And no matter how much hope I’ve had in the past,

It seems this life I live doesn’t change

And you don’t look at me any differently than you did one year ago

But I still sit here

Pathetically hoping for something more

Because I need something to look forward to.

I need someone to believe in.

I'm trying.

I'm trying to be better.

I'm trying to be happier

and more accepting,

and more tolerant.

I'm trying to love.

Trying to love myself.

I'm trying to find the good in things and not just look at the bad.

I'm trying to be strong.

I'm trying to brave.

To have faith,

and dream big

and have hope.

What more can I ask for?

All I can say is...

I'm trying.