Life.

I'm scared.

Scared that one day I'm going to end up looking back at my life and wish I would have taken more chances,

Or maybe I'll wish I wouldn't have taken as many chances.

Scared that I'm not going to be happy with the person I'll be

Or have been

Or was.

We live life in the present

but we don't understand it until it has passed

 I look back and wonder why I did certain things.

What filled me with complete and utter stupidity.

But I also look back and wish I would have done more.

I wish I would have cared more

loved more

hoped for more

and tried harder.

I guess that's just how it all works.

No one is perfect.

I'm not going to follow through with everything I hope to do

and I'm going to do things I regret.

That's life.
Crazy, beautiful, unpredictable,

life.

Past.

My memories are haunting.

I almost feel like those years of my life are not my own.

Like I'm simply remembering someone else's experiences.

Every time I think about it

I think, "That couldn't have possibly happened to me."

But the thing is, it did.

It did happen to me.

These memories?

They are mine.

No matter how much I try to forget.

Or how hard I wish they weren't there.

Each event is a part of my past.

 

 

Happiness, Love, Accomplishment, Success.

Who knew the memory could be so faint?

That the existence of us seems so unbelievably small

it's like it never happened.

And here I am, exactly one year later.

Looking back on the distant memory of "what might have been."

I can assure you one thing...

I want this year to be different.

I want to live a year full of accomplishment

a year with no regrets

a year of happiness.

This is a year for me and me alone.

I want to be a better me,

a happier me,

a stronger me.

I don't want my thoughts and feelings to weigh so heavily upon the judgments of others.

I don't want to wish for something that I thought I wanted.

I'm not going to hold back

or cower away from something I want because it scares me.

I'm going to go after it

so that I can look back and think

"Yes, I did that."

and that's that.

That's how it's going to be.

No excuses.

No regrets.

Just happiness, love, accomplishment, and success.