Nights Like Tonight...

I hate nights like tonight.

Nights where I feel so incredibly lonely.

Nights where I break down into tears because, looking at life, I'm not where I want to be.

There was a time when I thought I had it all. I felt like things couldn't have gotten any better.

How quickly that changed.

Now I'm stuck sitting on the sidelines..watching my life pass me by. 

The more I try to change things, the more I come to realize just how much I wish things had turned out differently. How much I wish things had gone how I wanted them to, for once.

So here I sit, alone, in a house made for two, listening to the rain pour outside. 

If this is the hand I was dealt, please deal me a new one because, frankly, this one sucks.

Absolutely Nothing..

Here goes nothing.

I'm hurt. I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm upset. 

It makes me nauseous to even think about it anymore.

My eyes are constantly filled with tears of pure disappointment.

Every second of every day I tear through the piles of memories, hoping and wishing I didn't care as much as I did. As much as I do...

I feel like I'm the foolish one.

Like I'm the idiot who believed in something bigger than what really was.

And as almost every part of me is telling me to let it go, my heart won't. It can't. 

I'm stuck holding on to absolutely nothing.