Consider it.

Six words.

Six words and I'm feeling it all over again.

I'm catapulted back to a time where reality was actually just a dream

 and I'm stuck screaming inside my head for sweet release. 

I thought I knew you.

I thought I knew myself.

But people grow

and change

and end up leaving you behind in the dust.

Six words.

Six words was all it took.

"No, no. It's cool. consider it."

To be happy.....

I am not who I wanted to be.

I have become the person I so strongly dispise.

I am a self-loathing,

heartbroken,

undeserving

piece of trash.

At least, that's how I see myself.

And every second of every day is spent wishing that I was different.

Wishing that I wasn't a failure.

Wishing that I was stronger.

I have dreams and aspirations.

Too many dreams, perhaps.

Too many hopes to be good at too much.

But who is to say when enough is enough?

So I dream, and I hope, and I work, and I fail.

But sometimes, very rarely, I succeed.

But the most important hope,

the most important aspiration,

the most important CHOICE,

I fail at, time and time again.

I promise myself it's over.

I promise myself I'm going to be strong.

I'm going to dream.

I'm going to hope.

I'm going to believe.

I'm going to succeed.

I'm going to be happy.

 

 

Who am I?

Sometimes i wonder who I am.

I often feel like I'm a stranger living in this body.

It almost feels like I'm disconnected in a sense.

Like, I'm watching someone live FOR me, yet, here I am.

But I have to ask,

How can I not know myself?

How can I be me but wonder who I am all at the same time?

 

 

Stranger.

What is it?

PLEASE don't hesitate to tell me.

I would rather know than sit here and wonder.

I hate that I feel like you're mad.

It makes me mad at myself.

The more I wish my life wasn't based upon you, the more unhappy I become with the realization that it is.

I wish I could be my own person.

But the truth is, in my own desperation, I chose you to lean on.

Did I know you? 

Not really.

Do I know you?

Not really.

 So why am I basing my happiness off of someone who is basically a stranger?